Dear Writers of Fanfiction
by Elven Star Angel
Summary: What happens when the characters from our favorite world read the fanfictions we write? Why? - They write back of course! Through letters or videos. And we get to see what they think or want or love or hate or really wanna kill us for! Honest - real letters from real people.
1. Touya Kinomoto

_Hello all! You must be wondering - what sort of story is this? Dear Writers of Fanfiction? Huh?_  
_Well - I've seen a lot of these types of stories(?) or rather submissions onto the site in other different doms. Never seen one for Card Captor Sakura though... thought I should make one! *shrugs then smiles*_  
_Each "chapter" is going to be a letter (or so of some sort - because I can't imagine Tomoyo sitting to write a letter, or dear Kero... how will he, poor thing! They'll be on video, right?) from one of the various characters - actually I should say People - from their world to the writers of stories out here! Might include major ranting, angry tantrums and a lot of jokes! Well hey! Trying to keep it real here! I mean, all of us _do_ do a lot of things that might anger or well - even KILL - certain people - so just read what the first one has to say! And guess who it is! Touya!  
Hope you like it - if you do - drop me a review. Even if you don't - drop me a review and tell me why? And if you have any particular requests - drop me a review again! *giggles* Yes that is me pandering for reviews! I'm an Attention Addict!  
Shush - enough rambling. Here you go - _

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Dear Writers of FanFiction,

Uh.. hi.. I'm Touya... and I _really_ don't wish to write any sort of letter but the little monster has more or less emotionally blackmailed me into doing it...

So I don't even know what I'm doing here. What do I say?  
Problem is - I don't even know what to say. Really. _What do I say dammit_? Little monster? Some help please? Hey kid! Damn she ran away.  
But… I don't even know what you fanfiction guys do; wasting your time around as such and writing stories that... oh wait a lot of people do write and read this stuff. But still, I have nothing to say to you guys. Do whatever you want, however you want. How does it affect me?

No. Wait. It _does_ affect me. Like why the Hell does everyone think I'm gay now, huh? It's all thanks to you bastards! Making me gay at the drop of a hat! Look, just because I hang around with Yukito so often and just because we are really close friends does not make us gay goddamit! And I did give up my so-called "powers" and all that but not because I goddamn _love_ him! You're reading too much between the lines here. Searching for shit that ain't even there. We're just friends. Really good friends.

And stop making him gay too! I don't get any of your logic! Why make him gay? Not that I have anything against gay people but it sort of gets annoying when you're given so much attention by the _wrong_ gender. I mean, a guy has needs, okay? And he isn't gay, as far as I know. He's just a really good guy- he's a nice chap. Is that why you all consider him gay? What? Now a nice chap can't be a nice chap without being gay? What sort of screwed up logic is that?

And even if that's the logic you're going by- why the heck am I gay? Am I really considered a "nice guy"? Well thanks if you do but if you don't remember- I actually had a _thing_ with Kaho (that's Ms Mitsuki for you kids) and with a couple of girls in my class. And I've never shown any inclination towards any male or... anything!

Why don't you make one of the brats gay, huh? Why just me? Or Yukito? Make that four-eyes, blue haired kid gay too! Doesn't he seem gay to you? Technically, if Yukito does then he should too. Or that other brat? But no- Yukito and I seem gay!

That brat reminds me of another grouse.

You idiots always seem to love making him and Sakura lose their virginity before they even turn fifteen! Doesn't the thought ever occur to you that she has an older brother? Touya? And that she's a really innocent girl anyway? And she has a father, and two bloody guardians? And you still think she'll go right on ahead and have godforsaken Sex with the brat?

Rest assured, I will skin the bastard alive who even dares to lay his fingernail on Sakura. I may call her a monster but she still is my bloody _younger sister._ I will _not_ allow her to lose her virginity before she is an adult! Or even before she is married! In fact - I wouldn't even let her get married! Let that bloody brat of a boyfriend of hers be damned!

What on earth do you guys think while writing? I know the age of consent in Japan _is_ unnaturally, abnormally low but for heaven's sake! This is Sakura we're talking about! She doesn't even know what Sex is and you're bloody making her do it like a raging bunny in heat?

And then just so I don't have a problem with her doing all that- you send _me_ off to university! Or America! Or England! Or off to heaven or Hell or wherever you go when you die! You freaking kill me off! What the actual Fuck? I'm pretty much alive. So is dad. So are Tomoyo, Sonomi, Kaho and every other bloody person in the picture. How dare you just kill us? That's as bad, if not worse than having Sakura have Sex at fifteen. God, I can't even say it without losing my mind. She's just a kid! She and her boyfriend are even scared to freaking kiss because of me, dad and the brat's mother and you jerks make them goddamn bunnies! Having Sex here, there, everywhere! Shouldn't I be the one having more action than her? I'm older. And have you ever seen me? But no wait. I'm freaking gay! With Yukito! Bastards, do you know how freaking awkward having a simple conversation with your best friend can be when the whole world thinks we're fucking each other? Or how I can't even talk to a girl without her being really creeped out or her asking me whether I really am gay? Or how awkward dinner gets with dad when all the monster and I can think of are her latest 'sexcapades' out here?

I still can't believe all the things that go through your dirty mind! Doing this and that just to make your plot seem feasible and making them have Sex! Making those _children_ have _Sex_! How can you even think of it!

And you know what's worse? Pairing her up with weird other people! Like that chinky eyes dude, or that Eriol kid or even her cousin cum best friend Tomoyo! Don't you have any standards? Li and Sakura are in a relationship. How hard is that for you to get? And I can barely stomach _that brat_ hanging around with Sakura but now you make that chinky-eyes and her have Sex like rabid dogs! If I couldn't stand Li and her - I fucking can NOT stand any other bloody pairing! The absolute worsts are me and Tomoyo. What the Fuck? Do we look even mildly incestuous to you? She is my younger sister for fuck's sake! And Tomoyo and she are related and best friends! And anyone else is just plain wrong! Sometimes that Li brat is too. But you just pick _any_ character from _any_ trashcan and make them start -

Hello there, this is Sakura here! I'm sorry my brother was getting a little too angry... and started banging at the keys and all... so I told him not to break my computer and he just stormed off! Do you think he'll be back to complete it? No? I don't think so either, he did look very angry. Well, I guess I'll just sign it off for him then! ^_^

Sincerely,  
The world's most amazing (and slightly overprotective) older brother, the bigger monster, the awesome, dashing, super cool, super intelligent, the BEST!-  
Touya Kinomoto

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_So? Liked it? Did he sound a bit ooc? Tbh – I haven't watched the series in a good, long time but I think he'd react that way? Do you? Please say yes! *closes eyes real tight*  
And I haven't written the next one yet but I'm thinking about Nadeshiko? I have a few plans for that already! What do you think? Or do you want another person? Whatever it is - just let me know - I've started getting a lot more open to ideas nowadays! So take advantage of that while you can! *grins* Before the inevitable hormones and stubborn tendencies kick in! *hugs all the awesome readers and reviewers*_


	2. Takashi Yamazaki

Dear Writers of FanFiction,

Did you know the first true account of a submission labelled "Dear Writers of FanFiction" was by a very famous author, and I shall not use names here to protect privacy, when she read that her characters were being forced to indulge in unlawful activities such as drinking and driving, underage Sex, abuse of illegal substances and wearing neon green polyester tights and eating rice with a fork!  
Of course her very scandalous letter was removed by the site authorities so you won't actually find it but did you know the last line in it says- "Fuck you awful monsters for making my monsters into characters!" Or was it the other way around?

Oh I forgot to introduce myself, didn't I? I'm Yamazaki Takashi, the hottest bachelor of our Universe and infamous womaniser. What? Don't believe me? Then tell you what- just read the fanfics 'round here- I've slept with every girl I know! From Naoko to Sakura! And even occasionally with the boys- Syaoran and Eriol... though I shall admit they weren't as good...

But you know what? Even after all that - I don't have much to complain about! All I can say is you guys are doing a fabulous job making fun of all these guys and trolling them and basically ripping them apart! I really couldn't have done better myself! Congratulations friends!

I bow down to you! I kowtow to you! I put you on a pedestal and sing praises of you! I make you a shrine and burn incense for you! You men, women, children, boys and girls are some of the best pranksters, mischief makers and trolls I have ever seen. I am so proud of you, my dear comrades. The side of the laughing people shall never die! Because you people are simply marvels (not the stupid comic books -because they actually started)

I especially love how you make one of (or many of) the characters into villains! And I'd also want to thank you because I, myself, am very rarely a villain! Maybe it's my cheerful disposition, and my knack for pissing everyone and everything off, or is it my ever laughing face? Whatever it is- thank you for mostly ignoring me in all your crazy stories and targetting the others so much! Though, sometimes, I do feel pity for Sakura and Syaoran for all that they go through. But it's all in good fun! And very well done! Especially those stories where you make them so ultra weird and so ultra weird they start trolling themselves! Kudos!

In fact I am so proud and grateful of/for most of you that I don't feel like writing this part. Why? Because this part is where I complain! I don't like complaining, not exactly my style.. and all of you know me so well- have I ever complained? In fact- the first historic account of complaining was by a prehistoric wife talking to her husband's other wife- about how their husband could never find his socks and always ended up walking around barefoot! Yes! That was the first account of a complaint! Rather tame, don't you think? Well, I do... But worry not! My complaints are anything but that lame!

My first complaint- you guys never give me any credit. Always - Tomoyo or Eriol or some OC or even Naoko, Rika, Chiharu and the other people are your prime smarty-pants. Whatever happened to me? Oh don't mind me- I'll just be drifting around in the background being completely invisible and highly ignored! Really - do you guys never realise? It was I who started the "trolling", I who trolled everyone in a five mile radius, I who made all the mischief and I who should still be doing so!  
Which brings me to a request - you know the first time a request was made was when please, dear friends, give me some credit. Bring me back into your stories. Don't give me any big parts, I'm not asking for those! Just let me be there and be myself! Let me glide over at any moment, eavesdrop on any conversation and then troll them like the mega troll-king that I am! The internet never gave me my due (do you see the current troll-face making the rounds? Do you? That should have rightfully been _my_ eversmiling face!) But do you see me complain? Oh no. I'm just asking for a small little favour- please, please, please- bring me back and let me be me!

And now for my second complaint - what is with me and getting into relationships? I am really not that type of person. I am a free bird and I like to... well... free-bird around! So no Sakura, no Syaoran and especially no Chiharu! I'd actually like some sort of clear explanation for that one - I see how Sakura and Syaoran are together (considering they really are) or how Tomoyo and Eriol are together (considering, well, nothing really but they do have their... _thing_) or even Rika and Terada sensei (*cough violent cough* paedophilia accusations aside they're actually very cute together) but why on earth is it Chiharu and me? Why? The only times we have our moments are when she recognises my pranks as pranks and stops me before I do much damage. That's all! So why are she and me brother and sister or boyfriend and girlfriend or even (heaven forbid) husband and wife? Not that I have anything against her but couldn't you please get me someone better? (Yes here is where my request comes in) I'm not asking for much - just some girl who is sweeter and doesn't smack my head or attempt to murder me. Murder reminds me of A good looking, fairly hot girl won't hurt either. Umm, maybe with boobs and an ass too- yes and she must be smart enough to help me with my troll business... You do see that basically rules out anyone like Naoko (she is smart but too... sweet! And although the stories where we are paired are few- thank god) and definitely _Chiharu_- because that girl is flat and fat as a dictionary and has no curves to speak of! Much less brains! Sure she understands how pranks work but she never pitches in with me! No damned enough brain power for that! So anyone would do- the above criteria in mind and oh shit she's just read all this standing over my shoulder and I didn't even notice her there! Damn she's quiet when she wants to be... uh... Hi there, Chiharu! Better go before she kills-


End file.
